In English, the future perfect tense takes the form of “will have” (plus a past participle), as in, “By the end of the school year, I will have had my first kiss.” (1/5)

(Something I said to myself, in a fit of wishful thinking, upon entering 6th grade.) (2/5)

The future perfect doubles back on itself by projecting into the future, only to rewind to a point somewhere between here (the present) and there (the future). The tense is impossible for the same reason that perfect, as an aspiration, is impossible. We believe that what we aim for is solid enough to grasp; but when we close our fists around it... (3/5)

...it slips between our fingers. (4/5)

As Milan Kundera wrote in The Unbearable Lightness of Being, “We live everything as it comes, without warning, like an actor going on cold.” (5/5)